Learning Our Son’s Language
Pediatrician Vidya Bhavani Viswanathan describes learning to communicate with her autistic son by changing her own expectations about what constitutes “communication” and how we can connect with one another without words. Her essay details the course of her son’s loss of language at age 3, and her own struggle to come to terms with this. She writes, “I am a writer, and for me his loss of verbal language was so crushing because words were my primary currency of existing. The way I understood the world was through words, and the way I explained it was through words.” Gradually, however, she learns “how to achieve connection without words” and she gives an eloquent list of examples: “Shared enjoyment of something he was interested in; cuddles and tickles that lead to a fit of giggles; city walks with moments of pause to quietly smile his dazzling smile at the crunchy leaves on the ground, the touch of a rough brick wall, the screech of tires, and the wail of an ambulance.” The story also includes information about treatments, screenings, therapies, and assistive technology, yet the emphasis is not on “fixing” her son, but on ruling out possible medical causes for his loss of language and then learning to appreciate how he communicates and how she can enter and appreciate his world.
The essay could prompt a discussion about autism acceptance, and the importance of presuming that autistic children can connect and communicate when provided with accommodations and supports. It also encourages an appreciation of autistic perspectives and challenges deficit-based stereotypes.